Playing safely during pregnancy

Let's face it; pregnancy is stressful. There are a lot of questions about your changing body, your growing baby, and what life will look like when the baby finally arrives. These are big changes, and when you are focused on them, it doesn't always leave much time to think about sex, pleasure and intimacy. 

The good news is that for most people, sex during pregnancy is safe. And actually, has plenty of benefits for pregnant folks, from lowering stress levels to easing bodily discomfort to increasing endorphins. 

With that in mind, I'm here to answer some of the most common questions I get asked about sex during pregnancy. What's safe, what's not, and what do you need to be aware of while you play? 

‍Is it safe to have penetrative sex during pregnancy? 

The simple answer is yes! Sex during pregnancy is safe during all trimesters, so long as you have a low-risk pregnancy and haven’t been told not to have sex by your LMC, doctor or midwife. 

However, your changing body means you might need to do things differently to keep comfortable. And your interest in having sex might not be the same as it was pre-pregnancy. 

People tend to have less sex during pregnancy than before becoming pregnant, so don’t stress if this is happening to you. A lot is going on inside your body, and for some people, sex just isn't a priority right now, and that's fine. 

‍Can I hurt the baby during sex? 

Sex won't hurt the baby.  The fetus grows in the uterus, not in the vagina or the cervix. There is no way that a penis (or sex toy) is going to poke, prod or go anywhere near the baby. 

Your baby is well protected inside a sack of amniotic fluid, which protects it from anything outside of it. 

‍Can the baby feel the movement when I have sex? 

Yes, but it won't feel any different to what your baby is already used to. When you walk, dance, jog or exercise, your baby can feel the movement too. 

‍Can sex during pregnancy cause preterm labour? 

It's normal to feel anxious about having sex during pregnancy, especially in the first and last trimesters, but studies haven’t been able to find any link between vaginal penetration and preterm labour. So long as you haven’t been told to avoid sex by your healthcare provider, having penetrative sex is safe. 

‍Can having sex during pregnancy cause miscarriage? 

No, sex won’t cause a miscarriage. Most miscarriages are caused by abnormalities with the fetus, which means it is no longer viable and unable to grow. They are not caused by having sex. 

‍Can having sex during pregnancy cause an infection? 

During pregnancy, a mucus plug develops to prevent germs and bacteria from reaching the uterus. However, this plug won't prevent the transmission of STIs, and some STIs increase the risk of pre-term labour, so stick to safer sex practices if you have new or casual partners. 

‍Does sex during pregnancy hurt? 

Sex during pregnancy shouldn’t hurt, but it might feel different. There is more blood flow to the genitals during pregnancy, which makes you more sensitive. For some people, that might make sex feel more pleasurable; for others, it might make things you normally like feel uncomfortable. And this includes the nipples and breast areas, which can become very sensitive and sore during pregnancy. 

This increased blood flow can also make the cervix more sensitive. This can cause discomfort for some people if it is touched by a penis or sex toy. If this is the case for you, try softer, shallower thrusts, or stick to clitoral stimulation. 

‍Will sex make me feel like I need to pee? 

Depending on where you are during your pregnancy, sex may make you feel like you need to pee. The later you are in your pregnancy, the more likely you are to experience extra pressure on your bladder. This is normal, and if it happens, try to change positions to something that creates less pressure. 

‍Can I still use sex toys during pregnancy? 

So long as you have a low-risk pregnancy, you can continue to use sex toys during pregnancy. You'll just want to be extra careful with how you use them. 

You need to thoroughly clean your toys before and after each use to prevent bacteria from entering your body. Use hot water and mild soap or anti-bacterial toy cleaner. And only use non-porous sex toys. Toys made of silicone, glass, metal and ABS plastic are all non-porous, meaning they can be sanitised and won't harbour bacteria on the toy when it's washed correctly.   

Because pregnancy increases your blood volume, you might feel more sensitive, so take it easy with vibrating toys and start on a lower setting than you usually would to ensure it's going to feel good. 

‍Is it safe to use lubricant during pregnancy? 

Yes, it is safe to use lubricant during pregnancy, and you absolutely should. During pregnancy, your hormones fluctuate, so some days you might find your vagina produces more lubrication, while other days, it feels a lot drier. A drier vagina makes irritation more likely, so make sure you use adequate lubrication to keep sex feeling great. 

‍When should I be concerned about sex during pregnancy? 

• It’s common to experience cramping or light spotting after sex, but if you have bad cramping that won’t go away or bleeding like a period, contact your doctor. 
• If you are experiencing uterine contractions or prolonged pain during or after sex. 
• If you notice any water leaking, that might be amniotic fluid. 
• If you have been advised to go on pelvic rest. 
• If you have placenta previa, which is a partial or complete cover of the cervix with the placenta. 

If you have any of these symptoms or conditions, you need to discuss them with your doctor, LMC, or midwife, who can advise you on whether it’s safe to continue having sex or not. 

‍Tips for good sex during pregnancy 

• Communicate with one another and let your partner know how your body has changed and what you want and don’t want during a sexual encounter. 
• Slow down and explore different ways of having sex. You might need to explore more non-penetrative forms of sex, which may feel more comfortable. 
• Once you have a bump, usually about 12 weeks, you don’t want to put pressure on it. Avoid positions where your partner has their weight on your body. 

Sex doesn't need to stop during pregnancy; it might just require a few adjustments to make it as pleasurable as possible for you and your partner. Use lube, clean your toys, and experiment with your positions to see what feels best for your body.

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